Movie Reviews

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Kaiser_Soze
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Movie Reviews

Postby Kaiser_Soze » Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:41 pm

I would like to see some suggestions for some of your favorite movies. I have been a movie buff since Jonah was a minnow and would like to share some of my favorite movies with you vaginas.

Not all of you will like some of the shit I suggest, and these are in now particular order of any kind, just wanted to get the ball rolling in the hope that I may get turned on to a few that I have yet to see.

So here are a couple, sort of obscure films that I thought were worth a watch...

Two Lane Blacktop
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/twolane_blacktop/
Any of you gear heads may like like this flick. Its about a couple dudes hustling people for cash and pink slips as they roam from town to town. Very, very little dialogue. Kind of artsy and strange, but all in all a good flick. It's old as fuck (1971) and definitely not for everyone, but those of you who like it will probably love it.

Street Thief
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/street_thief/
My good friend Ray, a.k.a. Glimmerman recommended this faux-documentary about a professional thief from the windy city. Excellent film all around, not your typically Hollywood bullshit. A couple of documentary film makers follow around a thief as he robs various businesses, and shares with them what it is really like to be a thief. I recommend that you do not try to find anything out about this flick, you may run across a spoiler and it will ruin the whole effect. Just watch it.

Deranged (Anacardium)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303648/
A wickedly good flick with excellent dialogue, sort of a suspense/mystery flick about some dude who answers and ad for a roommate. The plot slowly unfolds and the story developed into quite a nail bitter. Another movie that I can't say much about without ruining it.

Evil Dead 2
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092991/
Any self respecting movie buff knows about this movie, or the series (Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and The army of darkness). I just had to through this in for those of you who have been living under a rock and missed this cult classic. I would put this movie up there in the top 10 B movies of all time, and the top 10 horror flicks of all time. Your typical...couple goes to the mountains for a lil weekend fuckfeast, finds and old book book, set loose some demons and and hell breaks loose type of deal. A must see.

Glengarry Glen Ross
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104348/
Any of you had a sales job before? Maybe selling phone book covers, Kirby vacuum cleaners, used cars or time shares? This movie is for you. Not for everyone though, if your I.Q. is below 100 and you like movies that just blow shit up then don't waste your time. Alec Baldwin delivers arguably the best monologue in since Shylock's "Hath a Jew not eyes" speech.

The Usual Suspects
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114814/
I had to throw this in there for the rest of you Patric Starfish vaginas who live under a rock at the bottom of the sea. This movie is an absolute must see. I really don't need to build this one up, or put any disclaimers on it like the few above. If you dn't like this movie then you just don't like movies, period. As a bonus you won't have to ask me 'Who is Kaiser Soze?" anymore. (oh yeah, its spelled Keyser Söze, I know)

Angelheart
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092563/
Kind of a Mickey Spillane, 1940's style private detective mystery/horror flick. Many of you may have seen this, but it was probably 20 years ago if you did. Pretty decent, extremely odd sex scene with Lisa Bonet, (I think this is why she had to leave the Cosby show, Bill must not like chickens)

A Clockwork Orange
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066921/
Another Cult Classic, Stanley Kubrick at his best (cept maybe Full metal jacket). Another Older film (1971) definitely not for everyone, if nothing else its worth watching for the murder scene with the 6 foot long ceramic phallus. About a bunch of rowdy lil' bastards goin around London raising hell. One of em gets caught and has to take part in an Orwellian rehabilitation experiment.

Reservoir Dogs
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105236/
Most of you has had to have seen this before, those of you that have not it is a must see. One of the best crime dramas ever made, hands down. Your basic robbery gone bad story with some of the best actors you, at the time it was made, never heard of before. Now all these people are famous as Colonel Sanders.

Das Boot (the Boat)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082096/
This was an excellent WWII story about a German Submarine Crew and their epic mission under the sea. Considered by many to be the definitive underwater adventure/drama. Clear out a whole evening for this bad boy almost 5 hours long for the uncut version, 2 1/2 for the shortest one.

These movies I listed are pretty damned obscure, and some of you will be disappointed I would be willing to bet, but for those of you do like them you can thank me later, this post is intended for you. I will try to recommend a few more "popular" films in the future.

Feel free to recommend anything, including the obvious, the predictable and the typical...these are just the first few obscure things that popped into my head.
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Postby GreenMan » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:10 am

Kaiser....... You forgot to list all the gay porn that you watch. Nobody cares to watch it with you but you should be proud of who you are! :lol: (note... To the best of my knowledge, Kaiser isn't really gay) :lol:
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Postby Toxic » Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:38 pm

ok here goes...

Kaiser if u like Reservoir Dogs im sure u will like

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120735/

Snatch
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/

movies i like

Kingdom of Heaven
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0320661/

and last but not least....

I am Legend
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480249/

Im sure most of u guys have seen this movie, and in my opinion it includes one of the greatest performances ever done by an actor. The scene when Will Smith had to kill his dog and then walks in this dvd store and talks to this manakin.... The intensity and mimic Will Smith has in this scene excuses for the unlogical script and shows what a damn good actor he is!
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Postby Kaiser_Soze » Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:31 pm

Lock stock and Snatch are two of my favorites...I am planing on reviewing a bunch of British films and will include those in there as well. I am Legend rocked, and I couldn't agree with you more about the intensity of the Dog scene and the perfection of the video store scene with the mannequin. Excellent recommendations man, thanks for turning me on to Kingdom of Heaven...I'm downloading it now.
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Postby Toxic » Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:47 am

Kaiser_Soze wrote:I am planing on reviewing a bunch of British films


british films u say...

Green Street Hooligans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385002/

Elijah Wood plays an american student who visits his sister in london and gets involved in fights between supporters of soccer teams... powerful movie if you are at least a bit into soccer :wink:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

American Gangster
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765429/

starring Denzel Washington who takes over the drug running business in Harlem after the death of Bumpy Johnson

Hoodlum
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119311/

Great movie with a cpl of actors you wouldnt call the A Squad in Hollywood, therefore not a mainstream picture.
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Postby Kaiser_Soze » Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:37 am

Damn Toxic, I can't thank you enough bro....American Gangster was the shit, but the other two are new to me. Right now I'm hooked on Breaking bad, I'm almost through the second season...the best thing EVER on tv...I missed the first couple episodes when it originally aired, so I decided to wait til I could D/l the whole series before I started watchin it. I am totally addicted to the series like those tweakers in the show are addicted to that shit. If you haven't seen any of it yet....watch it it....I guarantee you won't be disappointed.
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Postby Toxic » Mon Jun 21, 2010 1:18 pm

some more....

The Score
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0227445/

Once upon a Time in America
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087843/

Natural Born Killers
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110632/

Inside Man
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0454848/

Kaiser, where do u download? torrent i imagine, if so... u got a link for an american one for breaking bad? cause all i can find is the spanish version for some reason :roll:
I love sitcoms/series as well, but i fear i cant give anyone here a good advice on a series since all the ones i like are from the US, hence u all have seen the first season of whatever series before it even gets announced here in europe....

but let me try....

How i met your mother
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460649/

The Big Bang Theory
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0898266/

and of course.....

Family Guy
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0182576/
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Postby Kaiser_Soze » Wed Jun 23, 2010 5:32 pm

Here ya go Toxic....seasons 1, 2 & 3 complete in English. You are in for a treat man. I could not stop watching once I saw the first episode. http://www.demonoid.com/files/details/2278111/5804003/ or try pirate bay, which appears to be down atm. All the movies you all suggested are excellent films, being the movie addict that I am, I have seen all of them. Seeing Kingdom of Heaven on the list reminded me of one of favorite flicks...http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317248/ and heres a link....read some of the reviews at demoniod....people consider this to be the best movie they have ever seen, and I almost have to agree with them, it's that good.
http://www.demonoid.com/files/details/1932822/11608006/

One more movie just popped into my head...Salvador
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091886/
http://www.demonoid.com/files/details/356617/40628021/

I'm not sure what software you use for divx and other formats...but I strongly recomend Convertx to dvd.
http://www.demonoid.com/files/details/2074737/40628021/
I probably should not go through all the trouble of burning all my movies in DVD format, but if it makes it nice if you wanna share with people who only have an old school dvd player.

Cheers!
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Postby Toxic » Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:18 pm

mhm, demonoid is down here, i found season 1 on pirate bay tho, the description points out its in english, so... we'll see lol. realy looking forward to it, since i was always searching for a series which isnt all about comedy like im used to watch. i remember when i found out about "Lost" a cpl years ago... i downloaded the whole first season, watched it within 48 hrs, only to find out that the story gets more and more confusing and unlogical, so i stopped watching it after the second half of the second season.
breaking bad looks realy great so far, at least from what ive read about it, cant wait to build my own opinion about it :P

i'll let u know :wink:
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Postby Kaiser_Soze » Thu Jun 24, 2010 6:33 pm

Ok, British films....

Sherlock Holmes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0988045/

Layer Cake
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375912/

Played
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460902/

Johnny Was
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0426501/

Loaded
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0893406/

The Killing Fields
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087553/

A Fish Called Wanda
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095159/

Monty Python and The Holy Grail
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071853/

Monty Python's Life of Brian
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/

Brazil
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088846/

Trainspotting
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117951/

Shaun of the Dead
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365748/

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057012/

Get Carter
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067128/

Casino Royale this will piss off all the Bond fans, but u can suck ma balls...this is the best Bond film ever!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381061/

The Great escape
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057115/

Zulu
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058777/

Dead Man Running Highly recommend this 1
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1311699/

Eden Lake Excellent thriller
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020530/

Malice in Wonderland Cool ass take on Alice in wonderland set in modern day London
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0374853/

Time Bandits
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081633/

The Descent
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0435625/

The Wicker Man
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070917/

The Cottage
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465430/

Children of Men A must see
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206634/

Hunger
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0986233/



There are plenty more....but it's time to give my old lady some Deep Dickins. :twisted:
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Postby Kaiser_Soze » Fri Jun 25, 2010 2:02 pm

Australian Films....

Gallipoli Excellent film about WWI staring everyone's favorite anti Semite wierdo, Mel Gibson
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082432/

The man From Snowy River One of the best family movies you'll ever see
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084296/

The Piano Tons of awards won, if your wife makes you watch a movie with her, then this is a good choice
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107822/

Wolf Creek this movie is fucked up....gotta watch this one
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416315/

The Proposition Another twisted Aussie flick... Sort of a Western revenge film, set in the 1880's
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0421238/

Jindabyne What is up with all the fucked up Aussie films, yet another atypical film, this shit could happen to mad anyone
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0382765/

Mad Max Considered the best film ever made by the Australian Film Institute, I liked the Road Warrior a bit more
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079501/

The Road Warrior You have all seen this one, but worth watching over again and again
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082694/

The interview
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120714/

Romper Stomper If you liked American History X, you'll love this one
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105275/

Van Dieman's Land Not for everyone, but a good film all the same
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1361843/

The Horseman My favorite revenge film, except maybe Law Abiding Citizen (Mattman turned me on to Law abiding...you should check this one out Mattie)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1060255/

Black Water To hell with Crocodile Dundee, like to see him fuck with this Croc, Chrykie!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0816436/

Lantana A Really good Detective Mystery
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0259393/

The Year of Living Dangerously If you liked Salvador( a MUST see) then you will like this as well.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086617/

I'm sure I missed a few, when they come to me I'll edit this list.
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Movie Quiz

Postby GlimmerMan » Fri Jun 25, 2010 11:16 pm

MOVIE QUIZ?

Be honest with you answer!!!

BE SURE AND DO THE MATH BEFORE LOOKING AT THE LIST OF MOVIES.
Try this test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie
is your favorite. It really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which
of 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how it works.
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.
Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list
of 18 movies below.
Mine was "Gone with the Wind" - exactly right! So be honest, and do it before you
scroll down to see the list below. It's easy and it works.
Now look up your number in the list below...



















1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Sex With A Goat
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Amazing, isn't it?
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Postby Toxic » Sat Jun 26, 2010 1:37 am

lol :lol:
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Postby Kaiser_Soze » Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:09 am

Westerns in no particular order....

Little Big Man One of my favorites....hilarious. Makes Custer out to be the Vagina that he was.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065988/

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid Absolute must see
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064115/

The Wild Bunch When this movie was made it was way over the top. It it wasn't for this film, westerns would still be benign
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065214/

How the west was won Sort of hokey, one of the longer, epic tales of the west. All star cast.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056085/

The searchers Considered by many people to be the best western of all time, in my top 5. Another epic. The one John Wayne film that you have to watch.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049730/

Shane Shane! Come back Shane!! What you would expect from a 50's western.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046303/

Red River One of the better JW flicks.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0040724/

Stagecoach An oldie but a goodie. Made in 1939. This film made Wayne a superstar.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031971/

The good, the bad, the ugly Although Clint Eastwood was on his way, this movie really put him on the map.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060196/

Unforgiven When I saw this in the theater through my teenage eyes, I hated this movie, Now it is my absolute favorite. Watch this one first. The genre was dead, this put new life into the western.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105695/

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068853/

There is a but-load of others, will finish this list soon.
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