Dear Abby,

 My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The other day, he
 bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in
 a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking
 red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the asshole will buy me a 
diamond.

 Sincerely,

 Bitch