60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. 

                    Chicago people sunbathe.

50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.

                     Chicago people plant gardens.

40 above - Italian cars won't start.

                     Chicago people drive with the windows down.

32 above - Distilled water freezes.

                     Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.

                     Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

                     Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.

                       Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the

                        sweatshirt.

20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.

                     Chicago people get out their winter coats.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.

                     Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.

                     Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets

                     cold enough.

80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes.

                     Chicago people rent some videos.

100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

                       Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products.

                       Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion stops.

                       Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"

500 below - Hell freezes over.

                       The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.