Beer Drinking Problems 
Below are a list of typical beer drinking problems, together with the root-cause problem 
and a suggested solution. 
Note: that this is only a guide - your observations may vary. 
(Drinking is not an exact science, after all)


SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. 
FAULT: Glass empty. 
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer 

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. 
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. 
ACTION: Retire to ladies room, practice in mirror. 

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. 
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. 
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. 

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. 
FAULT: Improper bladder control. 
ACTION: Stand nect to nearest dog, complain about its house training. 

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. 
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. 
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer 

SYMPTOM: Floor moving. 
FAULT: You are being carried out. 
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. 

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with flourescent lights. 
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. 
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar. 

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. 
FAULT: You have fallen forward. 
ACTION: See above. 

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. 
FAULT: Bar has closed. 
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. 

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures. 
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. 
ACTION: Cover mouth.