i want you and sommer to read this together please. im sending this message on here cuz i know that you will get it atleast. i want to start off by saying that i love you guys very much, you have always been there for me when noone else was. looking back, i cant believe the things i did to youguys or anyone else for that matter. im totally speechless and dumbfounded when i look back at my life anf the choices ive made. i would give anything to be able to take back the things i did, but at the same time, i cant phathom the things ive done as being in any way normal or rational. i dont know whats wrong with me, and im making every attempt to change, but i dont know of anything i can do since this is my reality. im not a normal human being. i have so many dreams and hopes and wishes, but none will happen now because not of my past, but because of who i am, and i dont know how to change. i have a crack smoking mom, and a dad that is only there for me to make him feel better about himself. i never meant to hurt you guys, and the things i said were awful. i love your kids and want so many good things for them. i can sit here and tell you that i want to change and be a better person, and i really am trying, and doing a good job so far, but i want to show you instead... and i wont make contact with anyone in the family until i can not just say, but prove to you that ive done the right thing with my life. i want everyone  to SEE that i can be a man. i love you so much and hope that your there for me when im ready to be your family, and not your burden.