December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
&gt;the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
&gt;the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
&gt;Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
&gt;
&gt;December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
&gt;every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
&gt;lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
&gt;had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
&gt;both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along
&gt;and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
&gt;again. What a perfect life.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
&gt;disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
&gt;white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
&gt;so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
&gt;I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our
&gt;neighbor.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to
&gt;-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
&gt;but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
&gt;The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
&gt;realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
&gt;get back in shape this way.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
&gt;Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
&gt;freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
&gt;think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
&gt;driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
&gt;which I think was very cruel.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
&gt;Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
&gt;warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
&gt;Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I
&gt;hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own
&gt;living room.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff
&gt;last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice.
&gt;Tried to find a neighborhood kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
&gt;playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
&gt;around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
&gt;another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel
&gt;or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
&gt;of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
&gt;August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
&gt;then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again,
&gt;I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
&gt;for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is
&gt;lying.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
&gt;me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why
&gt;didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
&gt;she's lying.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
&gt;Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who
&gt;drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat
&gt;him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and
&gt;waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
&gt;miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the
&gt;wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but
&gt;I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 25 - Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop
&gt;tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the
&gt;snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him
&gt;over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think
&gt;she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wondeful Life" one more
&gt;time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
&gt;all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came
&gt;after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all
&gt;my pipes.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving
&gt;me crazy!!!
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
&gt;could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
&gt;think I am?
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, he is now
&gt;suing me for a million dollars not only for the beating I gave him but also
&gt;for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home
&gt;to her mother. 9" predicted.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
&gt;giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
&gt;



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