Ten Things a Hillbilly Would Never Say...

* "I'll take Shakespeare for 2000, Alex."

* "Duct tape won't fix that."

* "We don't keep firearms in this house."

* "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken."

* "Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?"

* "You can't feed THAT to the dog."

* "I thought Graceland was tacky."

* "No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe!"

* "Wrasslin's fake."

* "Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?"